Until Jesus led me to a healing place.
The tear slid down my face as I looked back for the last time. The place that almost defeated me was now in my rearview mirror. Who knew I dared to walk by faith into the unknown? Who knew the woman I’d become once I left the place that became my comfort zone?
Life has an interesting way of showing you what you are capable of, but only when you take the first step into the unknown. Yes, it was scary, and I was filled with an overwhelming amount of fear, but I refused to let it stop me.
I was dying in my comfort zone. It was filled with so much loss and pain—I knew I couldn’t reside there anymore.
I needed to heal from what I thought I had let go of and face the truth that I was a broken, young lady looking for a savior. Life never played fair in my favor. Everything I received I had to jump through hurdles to get and maintain. I didn’t know how much strength I had to continue to live like that. I needed to make a change that wouldn’t kill me in the process.
I had lost my reason to breathe when the one person who knew me the best took his last breath. His death shook me to the core. I have experienced death throughout my life, but nothing prepared me for this. My life transformed overnight, and I didn’t have a say in it.
I was now responsible for two other individuals without any help in sight. No one knew what I was feeling, but they all wanted me to let the grief go and move on. How did they expect me to move on when I couldn’t see a way out?
I tried my best during my brokenness to be a guide to my daughters, but somewhere along the way, I must have dropped the ball and left them to their defenses, not expecting them to fall. They were adjusting to their new normal, yet hiding the pain they were experiencing as well.
As I looked back on that trying time, I do so with guilt for not giving my all, but how could I pour from an empty cup when the one who filled me was no longer there?
Spoken Thoughts 
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