Understanding the Difference Between Wanting Marriage and Being Ready for Marriage

If He Asked Today, My Answer Would Be No

As a widow open to remarrying, I recently posed an important question to myself: If someone asked for my hand in marriage today, what would my answer be?

My answer would be no.

Why no, you may ask?

Because I know I am not ready—mentally, physically, spiritually, or financially.

Over time, God has given me a different perspective on marriage. I no longer see it as simply two people in love. I see it as a covenant where two individuals come together to help each other grow while building a strong, God-centered union with Jesus at its core.

I believe marriage should amplify what God is already doing in each person’s life, not become the reason those things begin to deteriorate. While the initial stages of courtship can be filled with butterflies, excitement, and dreams of the future, it takes much more than feelings to sustain a healthy marriage.

Purpose matters.

Values matter.

Faith matters.

The plans and purposes God has placed within both individuals must be in alignment. Scripture reminds us that two people cannot walk together unless they agree. A successful marriage requires more than attraction; it requires unity, commitment, and a shared desire to follow God.

It also requires both people to learn how to die to selfishness. Marriage is no longer about “I” but about “we.” Two individuals become a team, working together toward a common purpose while honoring God along the way.

Looking back, I realize I did not understand many of these things during my first marriage. The wisdom I have today was gained through experience, prayer, growth, and God’s grace.

In many ways, my first marriage prepared me for the possibility of another. It taught me what is acceptable and what is not. It taught me lessons about love, sacrifice, communication, and commitment that I may not have learned otherwise.

Sometimes I think about the thirteen years I was married before death separated us, and I can see God’s hand even in that season. He was teaching me, molding me, and preparing me for what was ahead. Those years gave me a different outlook on marriage and a deeper understanding of what a Christ-centered union should look like.

With God’s help, I am continuing to die to old ways of thinking and embrace His way. I am learning that preparation is just as important as desire.

So no, I will not settle because I have butterflies. I will not say yes simply because I am in love.

Those things are beautiful, but they are only a fraction of what it takes to build and maintain a healthy Christ-centered marriage.

At this moment, I am not there yet, and I am okay with that.

When I finally say “yes,” it will be with confidence. It will be because I know I have allowed God to prepare me for the next chapter. It will be because I am ready to partner with someone who desires to grow what God has already placed in both of our lives.

Until then, I will continue walking by faith, trusting God’s timing, and allowing Him to complete the work He has begun in me.