Trusting God When Letting Go Hurts

I will never get on social media and tell you that my relationship with Jesus is easy. At times, following Him will require you to give up something you really wanted, and you may never fully understand why you have to let it go. You may question what you heard, wrestle with your emotions, and wonder why something you thought was right for you has to come to an end. But even when you don’t understand, you have to trust that God knows best.

I experienced something like this last week, and it threw me for a whirlwind.

You see, I could have sworn that I heard Jesus giving me the go-ahead. I believed I was hearing Him, and I interpreted the signs as confirmation that I should move forward. But looking back, I have to ask myself: Was that truly God’s direction, or was I allowing my own desires to influence what I believed I was hearing?

I heard it repeatedly and believed it was from God. As I looked at the situation, I convinced myself that the difficulties I was experiencing were simply normal relationship struggles. After all, relationships go through rough patches, especially in the beginning, right? I looked at what was happening and interpreted it as part of the process. I wanted to believe that things were moving in the right direction, so I kept going.

But one thing I cannot honestly say is that I consistently felt peace about the situation. If I did experience a moment of peace, an argument or disagreement could quickly take it away, leaving chaos in its place.

As time went on, I began to feel as though I was losing myself. I was conforming in ways that didn’t feel like me, and it seemed that no matter what I did, I was never enough.

The woman God created me to be was slowly beginning to dim her light just to make others comfortable.

My convictions were not always understood, and there were moments when I felt as though the things I believed in were being treated as if they were wrong. Looking back, those moments should have caused me to pause and pay closer attention. But when it comes to matters of the heart, our emotions can lead us astray. Sometimes, we become so focused on what we want that we overlook what we are experiencing. We make excuses, convince ourselves that things will get better, and hold on because we don’t want to let go of what we have become emotionally invested in.

I wanted something so badly that when I had to give it up, the enemy came in like a tornado. He began telling me to turn away from Jesus because He demanded too much of me.

Suddenly, I found myself thinking about my past. The enemy reminded me of a time when I did what I wanted without worrying about having to surrender my decisions to Jesus. I could make my own choices and live according to my own desires. In that moment of disappointment, the freedom I once thought I had began to look appealing again.

I questioned my decision to follow Jesus going forward. I wondered whether I could continue living a life that required me to surrender things I wanted. I was disappointed, confused, and tempted to return to what I once knew.

But I refused to entertain those thoughts for too long.

Why? Because I made a choice five years ago to surrender my life completely to Jesus, and I could not allow one difficult season to make me forget that decision.

As the enemy brought my past back to my attention, I had to remind myself why I walked away from that lifestyle in the first place.

My past wasn’t as wonderful as I sometimes remembered it to be. There were consequences for my actions, pain, heartache, and confusion. I was a broken little girl who grew into a broken woman, searching for something I didn’t fully understand how to find.

I never experienced the love of a father or a father figure growing up. As I got older, I began searching for that love in relationships with men. Not fully understanding what that love was supposed to look like, I fell for words that weren’t supported by actions. I accepted the bare minimum because I thought it was enough.

And I carried that mindset into the relationships I experienced.

I wanted to be loved. I wanted to feel chosen. I wanted to experience a love that would fill the empty places I had carried for so long. I thought that if a man loved me, chose me, and gave me the attention I desired, perhaps the pain I carried would finally disappear.

But that was far from the truth.

I eventually learned that another person’s love could not do the healing that needed to take place within me. I was looking for something outside of myself to heal wounds I had carried for years. Instead of finding the healing I longed for, I found myself caught in cycles of confusion and struggling with my identity.

And now, I had to confront a difficult reality: I was beginning to dim the light of the woman God created me to be in an attempt to make a relationship work.

That realization hurt.

I had surrendered my life to Jesus, yet here I was, struggling with the possibility that my desires were influencing my decisions more than I realized. I had to consider whether I was so focused on what I wanted that I was overlooking what this experience was revealing to me.

I don’t share this because I have everything figured out. I share it because I am learning that surrender doesn’t end when we first give our lives to Jesus. Surrender is something we continue to practice, even when it becomes uncomfortable, even when our emotions are involved, and even when the thing we have to release is something we genuinely wanted.

When I finally surrendered my life completely to Jesus in 2021, I knew there would be challenging days. I knew that following Him would require trust, obedience, and a willingness to let go of things that might not align with the life He was calling me to live. I knew He had chosen me for a time such as this.

But knowing that challenging days would come and actually walking through them are two different things.

It is one thing to declare that you trust God when everything is going the way you hoped. It is another thing to trust Him when your heart is disappointed, your mind is full of questions, and you don’t understand why something you wanted so badly has to be released.

That is where I found myself last week.

I had to wrestle with my thoughts, examine my heart, and acknowledge that I may not have understood the situation as clearly as I thought I did. I had to consider whether I had interpreted what I wanted as confirmation from God.

I may not have all the answers, but I know that I don’t want my desires for anything or anyone to become greater than my willingness to follow Jesus.

What This Experience Taught Me

What I learned from this experience is that we don’t always get what we want, even when we believe it’s what’s best for us.

Sometimes, we can become so convinced that something is right for us that we struggle to understand why we have to let it go. We can look at the signs, interpret situations according to what we hope will happen, and become so attached to an outcome that we have difficulty accepting another possibility.

But Jesus knows every detail of our lives. He sees what we cannot see, knows what we do not know, and understands how our decisions can affect the path ahead of us.

If He is leading us to let something go, we must learn to trust Him, even when it is hard. He knows our beginning and our end. He knows what may delay us, distract us, or pull our attention away from the mission He has called us to fulfill.

I learned that I may not understand every no, and that’s okay.

I don’t have to have all the answers. I don’t have to figure out every detail or make sense of every situation before I choose to trust Jesus. Sometimes, faith means acknowledging that my understanding is limited and being willing to surrender my desires rather than allowing them to direct my decisions.

Proverbs 3:5–6 reminds us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts, not lean on our own understanding, and acknowledge Him in all our ways so that He will direct our paths.

That Scripture became a key reminder for me during this difficult time.

I had to remind myself that I could only see what was in front of me, but I didn’t know the entire picture. I had my own ideas about how things should work out, but I had to remember that I surrendered my life to Jesus in 2021. That surrender meant trusting Him even when the outcome disappointed me and I couldn’t understand what I was being asked to release.

This experience reminded me that following Jesus isn’t about getting everything I want. It is about trusting Him even when my desires and my understanding don’t align with the direction I believe He is leading me.

I may not understand every closed door, every delay, or every no, but I can choose to keep seeking Him. I can pray, examine my heart, seek wise counsel, and remain open to correction instead of allowing my emotions to make every decision for me.

I am learning that I don’t have to understand everything today to continue walking by faith.

I Choose Jesus Anyway

My past may look easier when I am disappointed in my present, but I cannot allow a difficult moment to rewrite the truth of what that past was like. I remember the pain. I remember the heartache. I remember the confusion. And I remember why I chose a different path.

I don’t want to return to a life in which I allowed my desires to lead me without considering the consequences. I don’t want to lose myself trying to hold on to something that requires me to dim the light God placed within me. And I don’t want my desire to be loved to cause me to lose sight of the One who has been teaching me what it means to surrender.

I know that staying the course is my choice.

I am choosing to trust Jesus even when I don’t understand. I am choosing to surrender even when it hurts. I am choosing to learn from this experience rather than allow disappointment to pull me away from the commitment I made to Him.

Following Jesus isn’t always easy, and I will never pretend that it is. There may be moments when His direction challenges what I want, when obedience requires sacrifice, and when I have to lay my desires at His feet. But I would rather wrestle with the difficulty of surrender than return to a life I already know I had to leave behind.

I may not understand every no, but I am learning that I don’t have to understand everything to trust the One who knows me completely.

Five years ago, I made a decision to surrender my life to Jesus. I cannot allow a difficult season, a disappointing outcome, or an unanswered question to make me forget that commitment.

So, I will keep walking. I will keep trusting. I will keep surrendering.

I will not turn my back on Jesus, no matter how many times He tells me no.

A Moment of Reflection

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you struggled to see the situation clearly? Have you ever mistaken your own desires for the direction you believed God was giving you? Have you ever had to release something you wanted because you realized that trusting God had to mean more than getting the outcome you hoped for?

If you are in that season right now, I encourage you to take a moment to pray, reflect, and be honest with yourself. Don’t be afraid to examine your own heart, acknowledge what you may not understand, and seek wise counsel.

You may not have all the answers today, and you may not understand why things are unfolding the way they are. But you can continue to seek God, trust His wisdom, and allow Him to direct your steps.

Sometimes, the hardest part of walking by faith is trusting Jesus when the answer is not what we wanted.

But even when letting go hurts, we can choose to keep walking with Him.

Because at the end of the day, my faith cannot be built solely on whether I receive what I want. It must be rooted in the One I have chosen to follow.

And that is what I am choosing to do.

I am choosing Jesus, even when the answer is no.

— Walking By Faith with Char