The journey from fear and sleepless nights to trusting the God who carried me through widowhood.

Today’s sermon stirred something deep within my heart.

As my pastor preached, he made a statement that immediately took me back to a season of my life I will never forget. He spoke about those who are raising children alone because they lost a loved one. Those words hit me hard because that has been my story.

I never chose to become a single parent.

I never asked to raise my two daughters without their father, my late husband. Yet this year marks eight years since I began walking this journey.

If I’m honest, the first four years were some of the hardest of my life.

I desperately wanted rest, but I couldn’t find it because I wasn’t fully relying on God. My relationship with Him wasn’t as strong as it is today. I loved Him, but I struggled to trust Him completely. Because of that, I spent countless nights unable to sleep, consumed with worry about everything that lay ahead.

Would I be able to raise two girls on my own?

Could I prepare them for the future without their father beside them?

Would I have the wisdom to guide my oldest as she entered her teenage years?

Looking back now, I realize I spent far too many sleepless nights trying to solve problems that only God could carry. I was grieving while trying to hold everything together, believing the weight of our future rested on my shoulders.

Even during those difficult years, God never stopped reminding me that He had us. Through His Word, through sermons, and through people He placed in my life, He continually reassured me that He had my daughters and me covered. The problem wasn’t His faithfulness—it was my struggle to fully trust it.

Today’s message reminded me that no matter what life brings, staying close to God is the key.

As we remain near Him and continue walking in obedience, He faithfully reveals the next step. He doesn’t always show us the entire journey, but He always provides enough light for the path we’re on.

Many believers associate the number eight with new beginnings because of several biblical patterns. As I enter this eighth year, I can’t help but see how God has brought me into a new season—not because of the number itself, but because of His faithful work in my life.

This eighth year feels different.

I no longer dread the anniversary of my husband’s passing the way I once did. Instead, I can celebrate the years we shared together while also celebrating God’s faithfulness over these last eight years.

He has strengthened me.

He has sustained my daughters and me.

Most importantly, He has deepened my trust in Him.

I am no longer the woman who stayed awake night after night worrying about things she could not control. Today, I know what it means to rest in the Lord. I know He is faithful. I know His plans are good, even when I cannot see them unfolding.

Eight years may seem like a long time, but healing is not a race. God has been patiently shaping me through every season, every tear, every unanswered question, and every victory. Looking back, I can see that He wasn’t only carrying me through my grief—He was transforming my heart.

Today, I can say with confidence that His grace and mercy led me exactly where I needed to be.

What once felt like the end of my story became the beginning of a deeper relationship with Christ. The woman I was eight years ago lived with fear, uncertainty, and exhaustion. The woman I am today has learned that true rest is not found in having all the answers—it is found in trusting the One who does.

If you find yourself carrying a burden you never asked for, know this: God sees you. He has not forgotten you. Stay close to Him. Continue walking by faith, even when you cannot see what lies ahead. In time, you’ll discover what I have learned—God is faithful in every season, and His grace is always sufficient for the journey.

“You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.” ~Isaiah‬ ‭26‬:‭3‬ ‭NKJV~‬‬